"STUFFED" Dear Agnes Week 1

However personal your problem might be, our resident agony aunt- Agnes is here to help.






Dear Angus.

I saw a cat get run over on the way to work today. What can I do to make myself less sad?

Pauly Wauly



Dear Paul,

Whilst I understand your upset at seeing one of God's creatures being harmed you must see that there is a purpose to everything that happens. Rejoice in the fact the cat maybe wanted to get run over, as it may have been having a terrible life but now is eternally happy in the afterlife. Either that or maybe it was playing 'dodge the car' with its Cat friends and was terrible at it, and therefore deserves to die for being an epic failure.

I hope this reply offers you some comfort.

Thanks, Agnes





Dear Agnes,

I have a big problem, I cant keep my team in form in my league, everytime we are doing good and start winning matches, i get **** injuries and it kills my team. Its like every other match theres an injury or two that leaves my players out for like 5 matches.. it only really ****es me off because is very unrealistic..

What can I do? Is there anything I can do? other then having my players wear like knee,elbows pads, ankle and wrist bracelets, and a helmet....

thanks!,

Jonatan Maradona



Dear Jonatan,

Unrealistic?

You are managing a football team without even applying for the position or being interviewed. You are completely unqualified and inexperienced and your performance has been mediocre at best. Yet you will never get sacked no matter how badly you do. This seems perfectly fine to you, yet a few injuries do not?

To help you cope with the pressures though I suggest getting a wife / girlfriend, they always know best and are very supportive of their FML addicted partners.

Thanks

Agnes





Dear Agnes

Please help

My team is top of the table and i should be happy but i'm very scared of heights and feel i cant cope and its spoiling my game as each time i look at the table i feel sick

Is the anything you can do to help me with this



Dear Reader who deemed it not important enough to sign their name,

Whenever in a situation like this I turn to the great Graeme Souness, his autobiography is available (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Souness-Management-Years-Graeme/dp/0233997385) and is sure to contain the losing formula for turning top the table leaders to mid table minnows!

Thanks

Agnes (look it is not hard to sign your name!) [ed- Agnes’ views are not necessarily supported by STUFFED in this instance]





Dear Agnes,

FML is far too addictive,

My gf is goin to leave me soon coz FML is my Mistress ...

what shud i do?> lol

Joe Igoe



Dear Joe,

I have great concerns about your mental state, judging by your final statement my professional opinion would be that you do not have a girlfriend, and it is merely a desperate attempt to get attention. If you would like to book a private appointment to talk through your problems please email me at veryoverpriced@counsellingexpert.biz.uk

Thanks

Agnes